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filthy-gorgeous? definately-maybe...Nomadic Penguin Trainers 17. august A levels'A' Level results out in a couple of days- I am willing to take bets against the following:From today's Guardian:  From today's Telegraph:  Lucy Dingethorpe-Smythe (left) achieved twenty-three A grades, and has won a place to study Fashion with Canadian Studies at the University of North Wales (formerly Bangor Mental Hospital). Pippa von Humbolt-Parker (second from left; 19 'A's) plans to spend her gap year in the Congo, teaching Pygmies to bungee jump. A government spokesman denied A-levels were getting easier. 10. august Ant City
People often say to me, "Hey JJ, how is it that we can put men on the moon, but we still can’t fry pedestrians, ant-style, under giant magnifying glasses?" No doubt you have often asked yourself the same question. Well now we can. Only on a computer for now, but it's a start. 28. juli time saving ideas!One evening as I was trying on my seventh outfit for a night out (damn that grey top), I thought there has be a better way to do this. It really shouldn't take so much time to pick out an outfit but it does. I could channel that time into more productive matters, like reading up on how to throw handshadows on to a wall.
And I know there are plenty of women out there who face the same dilemma every time they fancy a night out on the tiles (and who really want to learn how to throw handshadows as well). We're only female you know. We're not like men who can come to a swift decision about whether an ankle-length suit, lace stockings and diamond brooch works for a court appearance. After some brainstorming with my plush toys, I have compiled some time-saving tips for tackling the morning rush.
Behold the simple power of a belt. A belt dresses up everything to the nth degree so much so that it becomes feasible to go out in your dressing gown. All you need to do is brush your hair and walk in purposeful strides and nobody will report you to the police.
When the weather is miserable what jacket you wear becomes entirely irrelevant. People will be too moody to murmur superficial compliments about your designer-inspired trenchcoat. A heavy duty binbag easily goes with everything. You might even get someone to make a wisecrack about "taking out the rubbish" and get the whole office smiling again.
Once removing the clothes from the hanger, you'll find that storing the hanger in your hair instead of back in the closet is a real time-saver. Plus you've scored a darling new hair accessory that's less tacky than a plastic hair clip.
To achieve the sexy-just-rolled-out-of-bed look you must do just that, taking the sheets with you at the same time. If you have a little bit of spare time, you can bring your napkin-folding skills to the fore and create a human-sized serviette to do slow rolling motions in.
When in doubt, just take along the whole laundry rack. It saves having to figure out which of your clothes are still damp or are more wrinkled than all four Rolling Stones put together.
Finally I've figured out what these magic crystal garden kits are good for. You just need mix the magic crystals in with your morning ablutions. By time you reach work, hey presto you will be fully clothed! 24. juli behind closed shower-curtainsHave been thinking about moments of weakness, or not exactly "weakness" but alone-time. Like showers. I'm all for a bit of power-shower coitus but 89.9% of the time I just want to get clean. Why does "Euch, I feel disgusting and sweaty, I'm going to have a shower" afford a response somewhere along the lines of "Wanna Share? "?! 2. juli Helpful Hints!So, anyway, after England went crashing out of the World Cup last night, *scratches out 'Lampard and '8' on T-shirt* my buddies and I were left with a whole lot of nothing to talk about. Now, me being bored suggested a topic.. Oh yes, bring on the Jehovah’s Witnesses. So, we sat there and discussed various options on how to deal with these urm 'people'.. here's my option! Enjoy!
How To Deal With Jehovah’s Witnesses a'la Penguin Stylee... To begin with, I have never had one Jehovah’s Witness come knocking on my door, they always seem to go around in pairs or small groups - jackals, rather fittingly, hunt in a similar manner). Secondly, I haven't had the displeasure of their company in a few years now.It isn’t that this particular branch of God’s word-spreaders isn’t active in my area, far from it, they are positively thriving; it’s just that I am no longer on their list of souls to be saved. This is because about four years ago, thoroughly fed up with their regular visits, I decided to put paid to their calls once and for all. I chose to fig Probably more worried frowns were exchanged but I don’t know for sure because at that point I enhanced my odd behaviour by tilting my head back as far as it would go and started gargling. After a few nervous coughs one of them spoke. “Are you all right?” Then I made a mistake. I said: “Yes thank you.” This was all the invitation she needed to launch into her spiel about the second coming of Christ and what I had to do if I was to give myself any chance of salvation and God knows what other rubbish they go on about. Now having your ear bent for almost an hour by two Jehovah’s Witnesses whilst stood at your front door is one thing, but having the Scriptures quoted to you chapter and verse for almost an hour while you’re stood on one leg gargling with your finger thrust up your nose is another. A shiver still runs up my back whenever I recall the experience. However it turned out to be well worth it because I was never troubled by them again. I can’t recommend this method of ridding yourself of these pests highly enough and invite any of you out there in the wide world who are similarly troubled to use it. Don’t forget the gargling bit, which really unnerves them. 21. juni How to spot a fake Fendi
Goodness me, what is Walmart is trying do here? Does it have any idea how many street vendors are going to be put out of their jobs? With all these knock-offs invading everyday life, how can normal folk figure out where to properly direct their purse envy? Here's a brief tutorial explaining the difference between something that is ugly & expensive and just plain ugly.
Leather Baguette with Palazzo Coin Detail
Often it's the little details that give shoddy workmanship away. The coins should be evenly lined up and be in pristine condition. Most importantly they should not melt into a gooey chocolatey mess under the sun. Coated Crepe Satin Spy Bag
Some designer handbags have hidden inbuilt features that are very difficult for an unqualified artisan to emulate. In this example, the thorny leather straps are actually removable, allowing the body of the bag to convert into a shower cap. According to police reports, many of the fake versions offered only poor or marginal protection for the hair under a steaming hot shower. Bag du Jour with Crown Embroidery
Rub bag handles vigorously against your shoulder. If that does not leave a burning red mark, then the manufacturers are clearly using fake rope. Look closely at the blue swirls on the side of the bag. If the bag is real, then you will fall into a hypnotic trance and the word "Fendi" should clearly materialise under the crown. If the bag is fake, then the words "Burger King" will appear instead. Small Embroidered B Bag
Part of the value from purchasing a designer bag comes from the knowledge that only the highest quality materials are used. For a bag like this one, the easiest way to tell is to lick the large buckle. Tastes like rare penguin guano? If not, then I'm afraid that you have been the victim of a horrific scam. Linen Shopping Bag with Selleria Handles
This is perhaps the most copied handbag of the entire Fendi range. I've heard stories of amateur artists, armed with alphabet stencils and crayons, churning out piece after piece in the back alleys. When in doubt check out who is carrying the bag and its contents. Most farmer-looking types don't use authentic Fendi linen sacks to store grain, flour or feed. |
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tably wrench my locks out with your boorish, untutored hands. And I will not be subjected to reckless elbowing as you attempt to wash your own. So there.
ht them on my own territory, their territory of course being the front doorstep, and invited them in. I knew I had made the right decision the moment they crossed my threshold, because leaving the familiarity of the front doorstep seemed to unnerve them, probably because it was the first time they had ever been invited into someone’s home. Having got them off their territory and onto mine I put my campaign into action. First I asked them to sit down on the settee and make themselves comfortable. This they did. Then I stuck my right finger up my left nostril as far as it would go and stood on one leg. They looked at me, then at each other, exchanged worried frowns, then looked at me again.
Obviously they had put me down as some sort of nutter - the feeling is mutual - and told their fellow Jehovah’s Witnesses to give me a wide berth. Which they did, until a few weeks ago that is, when two more turned up. I can only assume they were newly converted and hadn’t been told about me. Anyway I invited them in and went through exactly the same procedure. And so did they, except that they gave me about five minutes stood on one leg gargling with my finger up my nose before enquiring whether I was all right. This time I kept my mouth firmly closed. And five minutes later they just got up and left, never, I am sure, to return.
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